Love, sex, and intimacy are some of the most sought after activities of the human condition. We are wired for seeking the right kind of connection, even when this seeking is limited in scope. When love fails us, when our partner doesn’t seem to understand or value us anymore, when one of the only options left is separation or divorce, that’s when couples therapy may be necessary.
My work in couples therapy is very engaged. I get involved in the dynamics between the partners, so I can feel for myself the places that feel tight or stuck. I understand that being in relationship is one of the most fertile grounds for exploring oneself. Much like using a magnifying glass to see things more clearly, relationships tend to intensify everything in our lives. Through the lens of relationship, we are constantly exposed to our own faults and the faults of another. There is usually little escape.
Sex is one expression of intimacy that is most often present in our initial drive for connection. Through sexual desire, we express our hunger for connection and our need for being desired and desirable. Sex can be a most beautiful expression. It can also be wrought with underlying issues and conflict. At one extreme, sex can provide a voice for the ecstatic nature of our aliveness. At the other end of the spectrum, sex has often been used as a violent and controlling form of expression.
If you’ve come this far, seeking couples counseling, you’re likely feeling like you’ve reached a limit—an edge in your ability to cope. Couples’ therapy can help ease some of the pressure that’s been building by allowing a safe, open container for the exploration of thoughts and feelings that arise in the relationship. Some of the patterns that occur in relationships are repetitive and draining. This is where I can help.